Magic Eater

Lamentations of the Flame Princess is a weird fantasy horror roleplaying system, with an eclectic range of modules. Common themes include gonzo silliness, dark humour, and high-end horror. Horror as a genre relies on transgression and fear, and Lamentations leans into this in ways that other publishers fear to. It also has an 18+ rating and an irreverent sense of humour. This review has neither. If you are easily offended or named Geoff, please read no further. If, on the other hand, you are a filthy miscreant or just curious, read on…

Magic Eater is an adventure for Lamentations of the Flame Princess. It favours specialists (LotFP’s skills-based thief class) and features a big boss and about 40 henchmen, so the PCs had better be tough or have a lot of retainers. Or both. The adventure has 4 main parts: the lead-in where the plot is set, a fortress assault/infiltration, a dungeon crawl, and a final reveal.

The adventure begins with the players discovery that expert thieves have stolen their most treasured magic item, leaving a calling card from ‘The Grimalkin’. A little investigation leads them to the Grimalkin’s hideout. Unfortunately, it’s on fire, and the inhabitants are mortally wounded or dead. More investigation reveals that the ‘culprits’ are a rival gang of thieves (The Locquesmyths) holed up in a dilapidated fortress, in the middle of some swamplands. What the players don’t know is that the gang of thieves is large and divided: about half of them are ravening cultists worshipping a magic-item eating maniac who grants them eldritch powers. The others go along with it because everyone likes stealing stuff, and the weirdos tend to stay underground, where they can’t be smelt. More on that later.

The tumbledown fortress is guarded and, well, fortified. A direct assault is likely to be difficult, but a stealthy approach might not be much better considering the sheer number of gang members. But hey, the players are prepared. Aren’t they? With a bit of luck and some surveillance, the players might discover a secret entrance to the cultists lair. So much for all that prep. There are loads of bad guys all over the place, but some of them may be out. Or not. It depends. Players are likely to find a couple of disinterested guard dogs, a cranky goat, and a cold, miserable gent at the bottom of a water-filled hole named Geoff. Geoff is an average bloke with a strong sense of right and wrong.

There’s exploration aplenty to be had in these parts with a couple of intact towers and stuff inside the fortress walls. Specialists are set up to excel in this environment as there are several secret doors, a hidden tunnel and traps aplenty. Also lots of bad guys to sneak around. There’s a cellar level complex (read: 13-room dungeon) with a big treasure stash and an even bigger secret stash, and a super-secret sub-cellar lair where the cultists dwell. And herein lies the big reveal.

This is where the weird begins. It turns out that the loopy cultists have been brewing an unholy tea from the poop of their ‘god’. It smells awful but confers eldritch powers. The players can drink it if they wish (hint: it is unlikely to go well). Proximity to the magic-eater has resulted in a reality breakdown in some areas, with weird light emanating from everything, spongy surfaces, and an enhanced chance of spells going awry. This section is smallish, with 8 rooms, but there are several fun encounters to be had. And lots of disgusting ones.

The magic-eater himself is an ill-tempered, foul-mouthed and, frankly, disgusting behemoth with a range of magical abilities. It’s likely to be a tough fight. He has no treasure. All of that’s upstairs.

There’s also a short mini-scenario titled “A Rough Night at the Dog and Bastard”, where the players get stuck because reasons, and have to deal with a cast of characters with complicated relationships, some of whom are cult worshippers of a sex god entity. The implications are obvious and there exists an abundance of mirth for those in possession of a sense of humour. Geoff is there too. He’s an average bloke with a strong sense of right and wrong. He is not amused.

Magic Eater looks to be a fun romp for the right crowd. Writer Kelvin Green is irreverent and impish, peppering the text with prolific puns and other gags, and it’s obvious that his modules are meant to be funny. This style of humour isn’t for everyone, though, and GMs are advised to choose their payers carefully to avoid offense. The writing itself is nevertheless pithy and utilitarian, which is what you want in a module. It’s easy to run, and the random tables are fun. Seeing as he is also an illustrator, the art is cool and there are maps aplenty. Good ones. Final thoughts: while this module leans heavily into disgust, I think it can and should be ameliorated through the use of said humour, in the company of fellow miscreants and accompanied by the liberal quaffing of refreshing beverages.

If you’re interested in Lamentations adventures, take a look at Magic Eater, The Pale Lady, The Yellow book of Brechewold, or Lamentations of the Gingerbread Princess. All dogs go to Hell is free on Drivethrurpg.

Resource books include the Core Rulebook and Mayhemic Missile Method, and The Works of John Williams.